Flagpole Death ponders

How many previews does a musical get before it's not technically a preview anymore? For example: Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark has had over 180 previews! I feel like all the people that have any interest in seeing this musical have already been to at least 3 of the "previews." So what happens on opening night? Will anybody be there? The purpose of a "preview" is to be exclusive, yet it seems Spider-Man has completely ignored that principle. Now, the only people that want to see the show are those hoping to see a cable break in the middle of the performance. Come to think of it there is no need to hope, because chances are pretty good to see an "accident," which no longer seems like an accident, a falling acrobat now seems more like it's part of the show. THAT'S IT! Bono knows society loves nothing more than seeing other people in pain, which is why Spider-Man has had multiple so-called "accidents." Spider-Man's poor track record is what gives the musical publicity; therefore providing an increase in ticket sales! Ahhh it all makes sense.

I recently heard that Oregon is going to outlaw the sale of suicide kits. WHAT THE HELL? (no pun intended) http://yhoo.it/iQrBF9

Why does it always seem China is out of wack? A story came out today that Chinese Scientists plan to modify cows in order to produce human milk (http://bit.ly/mMai1e). The only enjoyable possibility from this would be to watch an infant feed from a cow utter. I mean come on...that's a funny image. But seriously. I feel like China is always trying to prove themselves. Too bad every birthday fun-pack I get is always filled with crappy toys "Made in China" (Yes, I still attend kid parties. Fun-packs are better than morning hangovers). If China wants to prove themselves then they need to start with their party favors. The day I receive a reliable whoopee cushion "Made in China" I will then trust their cow milk cloning method. Don't act like you don't agree

Finally, New York has decided to place a tax on lap dances (http://bit.ly/lHww3h). That's awkward. Does that mean strippers have to start providing change to customers? Probably not, but I would like to hear the conversation between the guy that asks the dancer for his change.

Dancer: "Alright that will be $99.88"

Horny man: "Awww mann...All I have is a $100 bill, do you have 12 cents?"

Sincerely,

FPD

Bin Laden dead. Trump unconvinced.

Today is an incredible achievement for the American people. If you have no idea what is going on then you obviously don't have a Facebook. President Obama announced the death of Al Qaeda leader Osama Bin Laden. However, Donald Trump is a little skeptical. After Trump's power trip of feeling like he had anything to do with the release of President Obama's birth certificate he now wants to see Osama Bin Laden's death certificate. As Trump likes to think to himself, "Nothing gets by the Donald." Well Mr. Trump we'd like to say, "Nothing is as ridiculous as you running for President."

- FPD

busy busy little bees

Today is non other than St. Patrick's Day! (Once again, another goalless holiday excuse to get plastered.)

It has been quite a few days since our last post mainly because of election campaigning for Ray Jones. Unfortunately, Brother Ray did not receive the highly coveted title of "student body president." We tried and failed.

This week is SXSW (South by Southwest) in Austin, TX and John has been interning at the IFC Crossroads House!

Direct Transmission from: John Warder aka insert cool code name here.

"So, this past week I've been surrounded by a incredible amount of celebrities many of whom get interviewed in the IFC House. One of my jobs is guarding the interview room door with my fierce bony arms to prevent any hoodlums from breaking in. This past Sunday, I was guarding the door right before the cast interview for the film "Detention." All the actors being interviewed appeared to be in the room, so it seemed safe to say that no one else should be allowed in. So I crossed my arms, tried looked official with my walkie talkie headset and guarded the door. Until I noticed a taller male figure with piercing blue eyes come towards me. I knew this was my moment to put the arm out clothes line style and say "halt." He asked me where to go for the Detention interview. I chuckled to myself and thought this guy was some clueless pedestrian that thought he could just walk in and watch the interview. I told him he couldn't go in and that he would have to wait in line just like everyone else. After I felt I had told this man off, I noticed his lips began to move as if another dumb ass question was about to slip out of his mouth, and then he said, "I mean, I'm the one getting interviewed, where do I go?" Immediately, I shit my pants and let him inside the interview room. My bad. Turned out the actor was Parker Bagley."

"He seemed pretty cool even though I made an ass of myself.

I watched the trailer for Detention and it looks pretty interesting, so i'll probably check it out as gesture for Parker not clocking me in the side of the face after I tried to deny entry for his own interview.

Take care guys and enjoy this picture of one of my meals today!"

Pork. It's what's for lunch? hmmmm...on second thought, i'll just have a salad.

- FPD

Vote RAY JONES

It is the 2nd semester of college and there are a ton of school elections going on. The problem is only 10% of the student body actually pays attention to these campaigns and maybe 5% of those students care to vote. However, Flagpole Death has discovered a candidate that is worth the vote. He goes by the name RAY JONES!

If Clint Eastwood and a lamborghini had a baby it would most definitely be RAY JONES! Check him out for yourself.

His campaign flyers look a little something like this and have been posted all around campus...

With this sort of campaigning, watch out University of Texas! Ray Jones is coming through!!!

-FPD

P.S. If you believe in Ray Jones, change your profile picture with his campaign flyer.

Project: Ruin Your Flyer #1

Advertisements are great, but sometimes they make themselves easy targets. Which is why Flagpole Death is starting a new event called Project: Ruin Your Flyer. If we are walking around town and see a helpless flyer, chances are it will be mocked soon. This Project is not meant to offend anyone (although it might very well reach that point). If your flyer happens to be used, hopefully you can laugh it off and realize you were asking for it.

Our first victim is non other than Romeo Dallaire. Yes, we are already starting off with a controversial target, but check out this flyer and understand why we saw it as an opportunity.

This is what we did...

And this was the final product...

Romeo, you're a respectful man and we are grateful for your contributions to this insane world, but your flyer just got RUINED!

Take care everyone!

- FPD

Stop complaining on Valentine's!

So it's been awhile since our last post and today is non other than Valentine's Day!

People usually complain about how they are single and give others reasons why we should feel sorry for them. Stop your bitchin! If you think about it, Valentine's Day is just a holiday created so Halmark can get a few bucks during its dry spell after Christmas. Why do people have to tell their partners how much they love them only on this day; and more importantly why do single people have to feel sorry for themselves only on this day? The thing is, Valentine's Day should be no different than any other day of the year. If you must have a holiday to remind you to tell your loved one they're beautiful, then you're probably not that into the relationship; and the same goes for if you're reminded that you're single, then you probably weren't lonely in the first place. All I'm saying is Valentine's Day is a joke; and for all of those people complaining today...cut it out, because it ain't bad being single. No one wants to hear your self-pity statements on a cliche holiday.

-Happy Valentine's Day from Flagpole Death

YouTube Page!

Stay away from the hot sauce!

NEW SONG!!!!!!!

EXPLICIT CONTENT (NSFW)

EXPLICIT CONTENT (NSFW)

Click on the video and listen to Flagpole Death's new single called "Chicken Wings." Maybe we should think twice before trying the "Fire 'n Blazes Sauce"...

YO MAMMA! That's right, we said it! YO MAMMA!

Check out our youtube page!!

http://www.youtube.com/user/FlagpoleDeath?feature=mhum

-FPD